Dear Randy Taylor,

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you find your turkey(s), tubs of stuffing and mash ‘taters, Ham(s) and all the other massive amounts of food you’re about to eat of sizable quantity this holiday season. Of course, the whole of the internet is totally aware of your “little” problem with Jimmy Dean. I realize that us Yankees don’t appreciate how much a Southern Man has to eat, and how very pussified we northerners are with our Maple & Sage sausage, big as they come.

I just want you to know, that while you’ve succeeded in making an obese ass of my former home state of Texas, myself and my Yankee friends are enjoying original recipe 16 oz sausage in all its glory. Don’t you wish the South had Bob Evans, too?

With appreciation from your friendly Geekaroid,
Scared Poet. 🙂