It’s easy to see, for anyone who has been on the Internet within the past month or so, how popular Valve’s (The) Orange Box is. As someone who has never played Half-Life, I had some difficulty figuring out why people were so damn excited about a game whose title could be broken down to a type of fruit and a cube. Yes, I’m well aware that Half-Life 2: Episode 2 being released with it’s previous installments included is a God-send for newcomers to the series like me, but what really had me curious was Portal.
Read the rest of this entry »

Once again, a video from Japan has left me with my mouth open, thinking “WTF?”

Witness the awesomeness of lesbian romantic intercultural relationship building at its finest. Yes, if you are an easily excitable desperate lesbian who happens to be Japanese, you too can pick up your own slow-talking clueless American girl, courtesy of this video! And yes, the aerobics is mandatory, as is the creepy old Gaijin doctor who brings seriousness and professionalism to the whole thing.

Enjoy. 🙂

Dear Randy Taylor,

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you find your turkey(s), tubs of stuffing and mash ‘taters, Ham(s) and all the other massive amounts of food you’re about to eat of sizable quantity this holiday season. Of course, the whole of the internet is totally aware of your “little” problem with Jimmy Dean. I realize that us Yankees don’t appreciate how much a Southern Man has to eat, and how very pussified we northerners are with our Maple & Sage sausage, big as they come.

I just want you to know, that while you’ve succeeded in making an obese ass of my former home state of Texas, myself and my Yankee friends are enjoying original recipe 16 oz sausage in all its glory. Don’t you wish the South had Bob Evans, too?

With appreciation from your friendly Geekaroid,
Scared Poet. 🙂

Make no mistake: Texans are obsessed with size, and they’re obsessed with their sausage. And when their sausage doesn’t quite measure up any more, they get angry.

Randy Taylor is the embodiment of the Texas Size Queen. He’s clearly killed him a b’ar when he was only three, and was making his own ‘guddamn’ sausage 30 years ago. And he got angry when Sara Lee, makers of Jimmy Dean brand sausage, reduced the size of their breakfast sausage roll from 16 oz to 12 oz. So, he called their customer support line and left a message in protest:

Audio: Jimmy Sean Sausage Complaint (1 minute 59 seconds, 1.4MB MP3 file)
WARNING: Much cursing at the end. Listen with headphones!

Listen carefully, and note the caller’s description of what his family eats for breakfast. Got his point, folks? Jimmy Dean is for Southerners… to eat alongside their couple dozen eggs and T-Bone steaks every day.

After hearing Fatty McTexan here, I think 4 ounces less sausage might actually do the man’s family a bit of good.

I think this audio is also confirmation that certain people who speak on certain particular southern twang – one our Fearless Leader happens to speak in – pretty much brands you an idiot the moment you open your mouth. It’s not a stereotype. It’s just the truth.

Even more sad: The Consumerist picked up on this audio and tried to legitimize it! I’m sorry, but the call is just too idiotic to crusade for. Fatty has had enough sausage, thank you very much!

And this is why I feel the Consumerist COULD be a potentially good site if it weren’t for the fact that it finds stupid causes and rallies behind idiots more than it works in support of legitimate complaints.

Here’s a word of advice to technology reviewers: please make absolutely sure that when you’re reviewing a new gadget, you know to use it properly. Do NOT do what poor bumbling Brit Ian Woods did when he reviewed the iPhone in preparation for its imminent launch in the UK:

My first few calls on the phone were not very clear. I couldn’t hear the caller properly. Ah – a fault, I thought. Then I realised that the protective film which covers the screen when new, also covers the earpiece. Duh.

Well Ian, the real “Duh” is that in your photo, you’re holding the phone upside down: the highly-visible black part of the iPhone is connected to the mouthpiece, and the earpiece, obviously, is at the other end. While others have complained about earpieces that weren’t loud enough, your calls were muffled because you didn’t know how to use it right.

Congratulations. You are now the laughing stock of Mac fanboys everywhere.

UPDATE: It appears someone tipped off Mr. Woods, and Sky has replaced the old photo with one where he is using the phone in its correct orientation. Thankfully, the wonders of right-clicking-and-saving-as will preserve Ian’s blunder for posterity. 😀

Hey Ian, what gadget are you reviewing next? Because no matter what it is, I assure you: