And what good is a Christmas wish from scaredpoet.com without our traditional dose of awkward Christmas moments?

Right up our alley: sketchysantas.com.  Really folks, not EVERY Santa is entirely golden, and this site certainly points that out.  This is dedicated to all of those people out there who’ve had an awkward Santa moment.

And whatever holiday you celebrate around this time of year, we hope it was awesome, and that an awesome new year awaits you.

Part of my ritualistic Monday night House-viewing is turning on the TV and setting it to FOX, just to make sure I don’t miss a second of brilliance. This, of course, has its downsides, as I start cooking for House night around 7 (yes, an hour early), and FOX airs plenty of garbage before House comes on. The particular garbage I’m referring to in this instance happens to be The Insider. For those of you unfamiliar with the show, it’s a way to keep up with the latest stupid shit celebrities are getting themselves into. All with a running commentary.

I feel I should clarify something before I continue: I do not care about the lives of celebrities, generally speaking. Yes, it is unfortunate when one of them drops over dead. However, it’s no more important to me than the dozens of people in the obituaries every single day. The rest is just them leading lives with considerably more money than the rest of us, oftentimes doing things considerably more ass-backwards than most of us (there are stupid people in every walk of life, so I can’t justify saying celebrities are dumber than everyone else).

Now, digression aside, I normally tune this out and focus on not burning my food (or setting the apartments on fire), but I heard mention of actual news on there this past Monday. News that, on its own, had already sent me into a fit of rage. The whole thing about the Salahis crashing a party at the White House. We’ll get to my thoughts on that in a minute, though. Needless to say, my attention was grabbed away from the task at hand to see what these nitwits could possibly have to say on the matter shy of “Oh, at least they were dressed nice but that was wrong.” Sure enough, they ended up debating whether or not the Salahis should be thrown in jail for this. Oh, but it gets better. Read the rest of this entry »

Remember not too long ago, when there was a huge fervor over warrantless wiretapping?  Back in the bad old days of the Bush Administration (and maybe even today), Verizon and AT&T willingly participated in permitting the NSA to monitor communications traffic on their networks, without the need for silly little things like, oh, search warrants and due process.  And boy, everyone sure got all in a huff when they found out!  Despite it being an extension of legislation hurriedly rushed into law to appease a panicky public, the citizenry refused (as they often do) to look at themselves in the mirror for being panicky petes, and instead the “Big Two” carriers mentioned above got the brunt of the public’s ire.  Lawsuits were threatened and all kinds of punishments were dreamed up for the corporate actors in this conspiracy, all while the Bush administration pretty much got shrugged off by the general public for, well, doing what they always did.

Another company to get a pass was Sprint.  You just didn’t hear about what their involvement might’ve been.

But it looks like now more than ever, surveillance is alive and well, and Sprint is making it incredibly easy for Law Enforcement to find out where any use of their network might be.  So easy in fact, that Law Enforcement has tracked the wherabouts of Sprint users more than 8 million times in the past year alone!

Sprint Nextel provided law enforcement agencies with its customers’ (GPS) location information over 8 million times between September 2008 and October 2009. This massive disclosure of sensitive customer information was made possible due to the roll-out by Sprint of a new, special web portal for law enforcement officers.

The evidence documenting this surveillance program comes in the form of an audio recording of Sprint’s Manager of Electronic Surveillance, who described it during a panel discussion at a wiretapping and interception industry conference, held in Washington DC in October of 2009.

Consider that Sprint has about 49.3 million customers.  Even if you assume that some users were no doubt tracked more than once, that’s still a pretty astonishing number.  Are there really millions of sleeping terrorists chatting and texting on Sprint phones?  Or has the government continued to be way, way too willing to disregard the freedoms of its citizens in the name of homeland security, while Sprint passively sits by and allows it to happen?

My copy of “The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide” occupies a space on my desk that is exclusive to it. Nothing else I own is permitted to take up its space, although my copy of “Johnny the Homicidal Maniac” seems rather intent on doing so when I’m not paying good enough attention. I regard the Hitchhiker’s books in the way that rabid Tolkien fans froth over the “Lord of the Rings” books (and I should note that there is nothing wrong with this).

Now, as I have a Borders card and a Barnes & Noble membership, I receive plenty of e-mails from each. Barnes & Noble at least has the sense to tempt me with coupons that will invariably result in me spending a considerable amount of cash that I would otherwise not be willing to part with. However, I digress. One such e-mail, not too long ago, arrived during one of my late-night Stumble!Upon sessions. I opened it up, curious to see what Borders thought I should buy, so that I may laugh at how wrong it was, only to see this:

My immediate response consisted of something to the tune of, “What the [expletive removed] is this?” Having never read any of the “Artemis Fowl” books, I had no idea who Eoin Colfer is. However, as I have some level of reading skills, I can tell it isn’t “Douglas Adams”, and this is what I take issue with.

Let’s participate in a hypothetical exercise. Imagine taking your copy of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, in whatever incarnation that you own it in. Now grip it by the spine and hold it so the open side of the book is parallel to the floor. See that? It’s a book so laden with brilliance that it drips from the pages. Now, if you actually did this, and your copy is as well-loved as my original copy, you may also see some pages fall out.

As I have not read any of Eoin Colfer’s writing, I’ve had to depend on what I hear from others. The “Artemis Fowl” books have been deemed the apparent heir to “Harry Potter”, which I found enjoyable enough. Sure, I imagine that the final installment in the series could be classified as a potentially lethal weapon, but this is beside the point.

Perhaps I’m overreacting, but I would love to know what made Eoin Colfer even think to add to Douglas Adams’ masterpiece that is The Guide. Writing a fantasy series reminiscent of Harry Potter qualifies him to complete this task no more than my ranting about George W. Bush in the past qualified me to be President (though it should be noted that I have already bestowed the title of “Emperor of the Mother-Effin’ Known Universe” upon myself).

There are two authors I feel are even slightly qualified to undertake this task, which I feel was surely botched in “And Another Thing…” and those would be Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Perhaps Neil Gaiman moreso, although I’m willing to concede both writers are far better alternatives. I am willing to admit that I could be entirely wrong here, mind you, which is historical enough on its own.

I’ve asked for this book for Christmas, and intend to buy it should I not receive it that way. I’m going to give it a chance, despite wanting to find Eoin Colfer and beat him with this book. Maybe it’ll be good. Or maybe I’m right.